Exploration to self Love

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Dear Ramon,

I was one of those kids who paid very less or absolutely no attention in pampering herself. I loved playing in the sun without concerning about getting tanned; sat near window seats on cars and buses with windows wide open, to feel the drifting air caressing my face and never mind messing up my short hair in the process. I played cricket with my brothers and dived in the mud and got all mud faced or dived on the hard floor and got all bruised but bothered only about catching the flying ball. Being a tomboy I never cared about how I looked or how immaculately I wore a dress, if my hairclips matched up with my outfit or if my footwear was going well with the dress. I was a clumsy looking girl cluttered most of the time with unevenly tanned face, grubby clothes and bristly hair but I accepted myself that way and loved every bit of myself.

As I started growing up, I assimilated how the whole world is driven by the outer beauty. How important it is to look good to set an impression. “First impression is the last impression” and well, first impression always comes from what we see. Imagine yourself sleeping peacefully inside your house and a knock at the door disturbs your sleep, you open the door and find a grubby faced, poorly dressed man standing outside. You get annoyed, cut the conversation short and slam the door. Now imagine, you opened the door and a well suited man is standing outside. And suddenly the attitude changes towards the man and he becomes your guest.

They say “You first eat with your eyes” I can’t agree more. While sitting on a restaurant table, waiting for the food, the first thing that instigates our hunger is how the food we ordered looks. They also say “don’t judge a book by its cover”. Agreed, but when we roam around a book store looking for a book to read, cover of the book is the first thing that allures us to pick it up from the shelf and read it.

I read somewhere that you feel confident if you look good. This is when I started paying extra attention to my looks. I started enhancing my natural features like drawing the outlines of my eyes with eye pencil, straightening my hair and looking my best always. Soon i started getting a lot of attention from people and compliments like pretty, beautiful and all the other adjectives that define an outer beauty and my life became easier. People appreciated my beauty, paid extra attention to me, eager to help me out with everything and made extra efforts to get my attention. Like every other person, I loved the attention and the compliments for the things which were not natural but contrived and it became a part of my daily chores , to make up and try to look pretty all the time, while going out.

Until one day my idle mind questioned me, why is it so important to make an effort to look good in the crowd of nameless faces? Why is it so important to wear an outfit that makes us look slim or little healthy, put on make-up that enhances our features or conceals our marks, wearing footwear that makes us taller? Why be confident about ourselves after concealing our true self and expect the world to accept us and love us when we ourselves don’t believe in our own natural self? Why not go unfiltered, untamed and natural in front of the world and face their actual outlook.

The clumsy looking girl was not born ugly; she was born happy, independent and carefree about what people thought about her and most importantly loved herself the way she was and respected her individuality. It’s been 72 days since I put on any make-up or made any extra efforts to change my natural features and it now feels good to hear good things about myself and not about a make-up concealed pretty girl because i am not a well presented food ready to be served and I am much more than just an attractive cover of a book. It’s not the beauty that makes you confident but confidence that makes you beautiful. I know who I am and I AM BEAUTIFUL!

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